Book Review | More: A Memoir of an Open Marriage
More...really?
Is “More” better? I suppose it depends on what we’re talking about. Workouts and desserts - yeas please but, to a certain point. How about relationships? Could work for some but in the case of More; a memoir or an open marriage, I am not convinced.
I picked up this book by Molly Roden Winter at my local bookshop out of curiosity. Having now read it, I feel more informed yet somehow vexed by this book.
Read on to have a look at the Good, The Bad and the Ugly of More: A Memoir of an Open Marriage.
The Good
It’s a memoir; easy to read and her writing is done well and captivates the reader. Also, being a memoir, I think that this book for the author was a good untangling experience and part of her life diary entry.
This book really highlights the benefits of therapy. In the book, she has a therapist she goes to help her navigate the issues arising in her life. The journey through the issues with the therapist helps showcase the good that comes from working with a therapist; almost like a coach. Their job is to coach and help untangle the person in front of them. The therapist isn’t in the game, they’re outside and coaching. The can see areas for improvement and gives guidance to help you play the game better by improving your game. Not everyone see’s therapy as an option for help; just family and friends. But they are a part of the situation and have a bias; the therapist does not (not much). I felt this was highlighted well within this book.
The Bad
The couple’s lack of communication, trust and understanding was frustrating to get through. The couple doesn’t seem to be aware of each other’s relationship requirements. The author expressed outbursts of extreme emotion; anger, jealousy and melancholy. I recently re-read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and I wonder if this book might have helped; there could have been a massive love language miscommunication. It seems to me that the only tether for this relationship are the two children shared by the couple.
Where is the end of this story? At the end of the book, the author has just started to figure out what she wants in life (despite the book covering 10 years of her life). It is indeed a memoir but covering two aspects of her life; parents relationship to her and her open relationship with her husband. The book ends with no conclusive ending or real decision on either and leaves the reader dissatisfied.
Curiosity killed the cat - Proverb
The Ugly
I would advise to remove any and all bias one might hold onto because it will mar the story. Readers will either delight or detest what’s within the pages as I believe finding a middle ground will be hard. I went in with an open mind but I found my bias’ coming in from my life experiences.
In the relationships throughout the book, there was so much shame, jealousy, lies, guilt and comparison. That seems like so much emotional energy is wasted on external forces. As in my YouTube video on this, the problems arising from this seem to be an affluent person problem. I do not have extra energy or time to go out to dinners, seeing multiple people and going on weekends away with them. In Chapter 9 it’s mentioned that the therapy session is $200 an hour; that is outside my budget. I am focusing on keeping the bills paid, sticking to my volunteer commitments and the family dog. These issues that the author is expressing is something I struggle to relate to. For me, by reading this book, it has reinforced my preference for a monogamous romantic relationship.
I feel that there should also be a warning on the book as there are explicit details on the new sexual experiences with her partners. Check out Chapter 7 with Leo; I had to put the book down for a moment, think “Did she REALLY put that in there?”. Re-read the end of the paragraph and yes she did. So here is your warning if you want to read this book: BE PREPARED.
‘I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I write and I understand.’ - Chinese Proverb
Final Thoughts
This was more of a word vomit situation taken from parts of her diary. I felt that we are reading the author’s writing therapy that she is still figuring out. I didn’t like the book; erratic in the purpose of it with no real conclusion. And, we who have bought the book, have helped add to her income for further therapy sessions.